Team Turbo Schnitzel

There's Hope Yet

2011-09-21T21:05:00.000-07:00

OK. Wednesday before the race and the engine is back in the car. We might be getting good at this. Relatively smooth going. Here is the engine and transmission all ready to shove back in. That damn thing is massive!:

And a few scant hours later, here it is back in the car. It's too bad we can't race in this configuration. The car looks pretty bad ass without the radiator blocking the view of the intimidating V-8 awesomeness, don't you think? Sort of an open-wheeler Mad Max machine kind of look:

Where Oh Wear?

2011-09-20T22:56:00.000-07:00

Where Oh Wear has all the bearing metal gone? This is what we found when we pulled the bearings: down to the copper. We were still seeing good oil pressure (about 45 psi), but we sure were hearing a deep down knocking noise. I guess this explains it;

The mains looked pretty good, but nearly all of the connecting rod bearings were streaked and scraped like shown above. That's what you get when you blow two head gaskets and keep on driving...

The (American?) Irony

2011-09-19T23:06:00.000-07:00

Heading into the weekend before the race, Team Turbo Schnitzel was the most prepared it had ever been before a LeMons race. We actually found ourselves shaking the car down on Saturday, doing runs up and down past loading docks behind an abandoned warehouse (secret location near our secret Atlanta bunker). Then we started hearing the knocks from deep down in the engine, and continued to take note of the oil leaking all over the top, bottom and sides of the engine.

We pretty well knew we'd be fixing it here or fixing it at the track, so we decided to fix it in the relative comfort of ~~the secret bunker~~ Dave's garage. So we pulled the engine and transmission on Sunday morning. See the irony? Now all of a sudden we're no better prepared than we have ever been for any other LeMons race. Scheisse!

Improvements

2011-09-10T23:06:00.000-07:00

Just a quick update before heading out for the race. We've made the following improvements / updates while sequestered away in our Atlanta bunker:

- Rear disc brake conversion!
- Fixed the steering ailments.
- Installed new hood (per new rules for 2011)
- Updated our shoulder harness to two belts from the old Y belt.
- Made

That's really about it! We had a pretty healthy budget to do improvements (Jay gave us a 1 cent residual value after our 77 laps of performance last year!), but just didn't do that much!

Custom Caliper Adapters

2011-08-20T20:47:00.000-07:00

This car is nothing if not hand-made. Most everything we've done to this thing since we decided to yank the 2.3L 4 cylinder and stuff the 351W V-8 inside has been hand-fabricated; Exhaust collectors, the turbo mount, the radiator mount structure (Ikea bed frame support beam and garage door opener rail I kid you not), engine mounts, etc. So why should the rear disc brake conversion be any different?

The one major difference here is the need for precision. Unlike the hand measuring and fit checking of the turbo-to-exhaust clamp fabrication, I actually had to use CAD (Pro/ENGINEER WF 3.0). Once I modeled the bearing hub, caliper bracket and Contour SVT discs, I could connect it all together with a 0.25 virtual steel plate:

But then I still had to resort to hand fabrication techniques for a matching set of these things. 1/4" thick steel is tough stuff to work on with hand tools and a drill press:

But the finished product looks quite good:

And fortunately works like a champ. Lovely day for a Guinness!

We're In! We're Elite!

2011-07-19T07:14:00.000-07:00

"Robust men in Lederhosen driving (wrenching on?) a Merkur XR8Tc with an unholy (unhealthy?) idol worship of one Herr Hoff, the Unhastled. She's still 8 cylinders and turbocharged, but hopefully The SchnitzelMobile is now somewhat improved mechanically and will make her triumphant return to the racetrack. Danke Schoen."

Apparently the above gibberish on our application was compelling enough to convince LeMons management to tolerate our goofing about for another long race weekend. I hope they won't be disappointed when we spend more time on the track this time and less time hanging out with them in the paddock... See everyone in Charlotte!

Sound of Distant Drums

2011-06-25T08:49:00.001-07:00

Out with the bad brakes; in with the good? We're sticking with the four-lug wheels, so our options are limited when it comes to replacements. Fortunately, there was the Ford Contour SVT made in the mid-nineties that still used the four-lug pattern on their wheels, so discs are relatively cheap.

We do have to make a custom caliper mounting plate. More on that later...

What ~~inspired designer~~ penny-pinching program manager at Ford decided to put drum brakes on this car in the first place?

These stinking drum brakes were probably the cause of our last woe of the weekend in our first race in '08; smoking rear wheels, as pictured here:

Next Stop, Rear Discs

2011-06-19T23:02:00.000-07:00

Just a quick posting to keep all you reader (sic) up to date on progress to prep this beast for the next race. I'm trying to replace the stock drum brakes with discs and calipers. The plan is to use Contour XS discs due to the four-lug pattern

The Steering Feels a Little Loose...

2011-06-04T11:56:00.000-07:00

The last time we had the SchnitzelMobile out and about (July 2010!), she felt pretty good, but there was a nagging notion in the back of my head that something didn't quite feel right with the steering. Nagging notion? Here's what I found today when I pulled out (what is a most appropriate name for our steering universal) the rag joint:

It looks like one of those "How It's Made" episodes when they're mixing a big wad of dough in an industrial-sized cake mixer. I had to unravel a bird's nest of cords to pull it out of the car:

I suppose the "doughnut shaped rubber with reinforcing cords vulcanized in it" was a bit too close to our exhaust header / manifold. Anyone have any ideas how to make this heat resistant?

2011 Season Opener

2011-02-19T11:27:00.001-08:00

I clearly have a problem... Neither Team Turbo Schnitzel nor Perpetual Downforce are racing, yet I'm here at the season opener at CMP just...watching! Yes, I'm hooked! Beautiful weather - 72 and sunny. More than twice the temperature as it was last year here...

Photo Albums

2011-01-24T19:07:00.001-08:00

Not sure why it's taken this long, but I've finally started organizing photo albums of each of our events. This is a record of each of the races we've participated in, whether they be with Team Turbo Schnitzel or with Our Lady of Perpetual Downforce. Hopefully the list will continue to grow - I'm having a blast!

Ununhexium! LeMons Legend Status!

2011-01-23T14:12:00.000-08:00

Thanks, Murilee, for bestowing upon us Ununhexium Honors!

As Murilee points out, we're back in our Atlanta bunker plotting (and plodding) away toward our next campaign. Will it be the next CMP race? Unfortunately, no. We blew our wad during the recent Miami race - combining forces with Perpetual Downforce - and did not sign up for the February Discomfort. We do have an eye toward some of the other nearby races, though. We shall return soon to claim our next prize! I just hope it's not another ~~Excruciating All-Nighter to Hobble Triumphantly Back on the Track During the Last Hour~~ Heroic Fix kind of situation!

Come to think of it, I think we're the only team to accomplish a dual Organizer's Choice AND Heroic Fix at the same time. Are we? Murilee? That should be deserving of an award named after a radioactive molecule, eh? Is there such a thing?

Lucky Lady Indeed!

2011-01-02T20:15:00.000-08:00

It was luck we needed and luck we got in Miami for the Season Ender race! We finished 21st out of 74 cars, and at one point we made it as high as 13th place! If it weren't for the ~~Cessna's~~ Civic's alternator falling completely off the mouting bracket and rattling around in the engine bay, we might have been in the top 10. See the whole story here.

Sweetness and Torque

2010-12-23T20:32:00.000-08:00

Dave sent me this the other day. Apparently the Army's not giving him enough to do, because he's editing video and daydreaming of ~~getting back behind the wheel of~~ getting his hands dirty again working on the Schnitzelmobile. Take a look at this spectacular 3rd-gear roll-on burnout from our "Dyno Day" a few months back:

Now that's exciting! She'll be a potent force to deal with once we get her back on the track! That is, if we can put the power down on the track through that open differential.

...and if we can figure out how to keep her on the track.

...and if we can solve our little problem with the brakes (blown-through turbos, as it turns out, don't create any vacuum for the brake booster.)

...and if we fix that big oil leak out of the rear main seal.

...and if we can find a cheap way to R&R the tranny. Dave did a third gear roll-on in the video because that's all it's got at the moment! Then again, with that much torque, who needs a transmission?

Our Lady Needs Luck

2010-12-21T21:04:00.000-08:00

This is an on-again off-again Team Turbo Schnitzel blog, and I'm an on-again off-again Our Lady of Perpetual Downforce team member. I've actually raced more times at CMP on their team than I have on my own team now! After our spectacular success at CMP in September, we decided that we simply had to try and make it to Miami for the ~~lukewarm bowl of oatmeal~~ New Year's 2010 Season-Ender.

The list of the Schnitzelmobile's maladies is pretty long, so I couldn't convince the OLPD guys to take the XR8Tc instead of the Cessna. Consequently, Team Turbo Schnitzel has been on a bit of a hiatus. I've been helping prep the Cessna for Miami, and we're nearly ready to go. But then today, while being driven across town to get it aligned (it is street legal), the car just simply quit on Mark:

Turns out that after discovering and fixing an incorrectly-installed oil cooler relocation kit, I committed the Cardinal Sin of reusing a flimsy hose clamp. It came loose and the hose slipped off the oil filter adapter barb, spewing oil all over the engine and onto the road.

A total loss of oil was why the car quit. Holy Schnitzel. With only a week left before the race, we don't have time to find another engine and swap it out. Plan B; reconnect the hose (use new, larger clamps), fill it back up with oil, and get going. Plan B worked. It purrs like a kitten. Wish us luck. We're going to need it! Oh, and we're taking a spare engine just in case...

Isn't AWOL a Valid Option?

2010-08-02T20:06:00.000-07:00

Apparently, Turkey is a great place to visit. Dave's going to find out first-hand. Team Turbo Schnitzel's been dealt a setback in the form of Army Reserve Deployment Orders. While Jeff and I are picking up the shattered pieces of our junkyard-engineered beauty and trying to campaign it again soon, Dave will be sipping tea with Turkish Generals on some sort of year-long diplomatic "Love-In." Sheesh.

Dave will be sorely missed. After all, he's really the only one who knows anything about anything on this now-dry and empty husk of a team. I guess AWOL isn't really a viable option?

Like a Freakin' Freight Train, I Tells Ya'!

2010-07-25T22:07:00.000-07:00

Back in May at South Spring 2010, we made a brief reappearance on the LeMons scene, turning 77 cautious, tenuous laps. It being the first time really running the car, we were carefully watching the gauges, staying out of everyone's way, and feeling the new driving dynamics. She now pushes like she's auditioning for a job working the Tokyo subway.
Jeff and I both got our stints, but Dave never got a run before both head gaskets blew. But for those few infantile laps around CMP, both Jeff and I felt the potential of this beast! Holy Schnitzel! When we were able to line it up straight and get on it, she pulled like a freakin' freight train! Torque City, USA.

When we got back to Atlanta, we didn't want a long list of mechanical issues to bum us out. Instead we went to the Dyno! Our friend Dan works at a local shop with a great indoor/outdoor setup:

We did have to play with the jets in our Holley 4 Barrel a bit, but now think we've got this blown-through turbo thing licked, showing a steady 11:1 AFR under load. And with some pretty nice results:

250 horsepower, and 320 ft-lb of Torque, Glorious Torque! Both @ around 4000 rpm. The big challenge now? Putting that power down. Can you say "open diff?"

Tranny Forensics

2010-07-18T19:55:00.000-07:00

Several weeks have passed since our disastrous race weekend, and our fury has worn off to the point where we feel like investigating... I wouldn't blame you if you didn't believe Murilee Martin's trackside postings about our transmission failing "while backing out of the pit space." Unfortunately that was only partially untrue. Turns out that we did our transmission in while towing it to the event...

Disassembly of the transmission revealed the nice smeared-metal-rounded-ash-tray-kind-of thingy you see above. That's the input shaft where a bearing's supposed to fit snugly. And below is the output shaft where that same bearing is supposed to ride on a nice cylindrical shaft.

Yes, it's that rounded chunky-nipple-looking protrusion that's supposed to be cylindrical. And precision. And not effed up.

Turns out that the assembly lube that our man used to rebuild our transmission was wax-based. When the tranny heats up in the slightest, the wax melts away to be replaced by the tranny fluid (Dextron-IV in a Ford T5) which sloshes around in the case. Problem was, we didn't have a chance to drive the car at all before towing it to the race. On a dolly. Ever heard the recommendation that if you're dollying a rear-wheel drive car, disconnect the drive shaft first? Heed it.

So the output shaft, which sits in the top of the case, spun furiously with the rear wheels while the intermediate shaft sitting all cozy and wet in the bottom of the case didn't. And thus no fluid flung around to replace the melting wax-based assembly lube, which probably only lubricated the bearing and the shafts pictured above for a mile or so. Kershaw is a bit further from Atlanta than that.

Peace Offering

2010-06-03T20:08:00.000-07:00

Four Pies.

Four delicious-looking well-packaged economically-priced pre-made Publix apple pies.

Unboxed, oven-heated, and then carried singly and reconcilingly to each of Dave's four nearest neighbors.

These are the nieghbors who said nothing through the months of late night wrenching, after-midnight power tooling, and generally annoying behavior from their new neighbor Dave. These are the neighbors who Dave felt sure were scowling at him from afar during the day, but said nothing about the "race car project" that had invaded the sanctity of their quiet suburban neighborhood.

Thank you. And Sorry.

Two Heads Are Better Than One?

2010-05-25T20:39:00.000-07:00

Back in July 2008, at our first CMP event, when we had a 2.3L 4 cylinder, we blew a head gasket. Twice.

Now in May 2010, at our third CMP event, we bring a V8 and blow two head gaskets at once.

On reflection it does seem like some sort of cosmic conservation of cylindrical momentum or some such numerology. Or maybe it could have had something to do watching the mixture fall to full lean for several seconds on each of the 77 laps we were able to turn...

At any rate, here are Jeff (L) and Dave (R) working feverishly to get us back on the track with about an hour left before the end of the race. We didn't make it back on the track, but we did make it to the awards ceremony.

Victory! Not.

2010-05-24T08:07:00.000-07:00

Not that we were expecting to win, but we were expecting to do some racing. Turns out that if you change as many things as we did on a race car, you should at least shake it down a few times before heading to the track. Duh. Here's the lonely pit space where we spent most of our time during the race:

Good bet for upcoming blog entries:

1. Grade 8.8 Metric Bolts: "NOT Grade 8"

2. Carbureted Turbocharged V8's: Watch that Air/Fuel Ratio Meter!

3. Tips on Wrenching: Investigate Failures First, and only THEN Speculate Wildly as to the Failure.

4. Essential: Get plenty of rest BEFORE the demanding race weekend.

Anyhow, we DID beat all OTHER expectations about how long we'd last: 77 Laps, Baby! (Bets ranged from 2 to 16 to 32.) Here are the final results - DNF, but NOT LAST!:

Preparing to Leave the Nest

2010-05-20T00:15:00.000-07:00

Five months of work on this beast, and she's ready to leave the nest. Thanks again Dave and Alecia for providing a warm, safe home for the Schnitzel Mobile and her loyal servants! Next stop, Kershaw, SC! See you at CMP!

Never Underestimate the Value of a Dry Run

2010-05-19T21:24:00.000-07:00

We had just finished ALL fabrication, welding, prep, etc., or so we thought, when we tried a dry run to see if my Montero could tow the Schnitzel Mobile with no problems. Turns out the importance of ground clearance is not to be underestimated:

These are the radiator mounts. This was one of the first things we fabricated months ago when the car was on wheel dollys. Now that it's on the ground, the 4" of ground clearance just didn't look all that great. And then when we pulled up to the tow dolly, these radiator mounts would surely have snapped off, taking the radiator with them.

After all we'd done, and our Hurculean efforts of late, WE COULD NOT GET IT ON THE TOW DOLLY! This would NOT be what stopped our LeMons South Spring campaign! One final frantic surge of fabrication Tuesday night before the race had us welding new radiator supports and doubling the ground clearance in the front:

And the Montero pulls it just fine...

Ready to Start?

2010-05-13T21:31:00.000-07:00

We're on the verge of being able to start this thing. Yes, there's only a week left before LeMons South Spring '10 and we haven't even started it yet! It's amazing all the little things you have to get right even on such a simple car. I mean, a carbureted car only need gas and spark, right? What could be simpler?

There have been plenty of attempts to start it, but only now after fixing fuel pressure issues (3 weeks) and distributor / coil issues (1-1/2 weeks) we're really ready.

Anyhow, I thought I'd give a glimpse of how we were actually going to start the thing. Note our fabricated instrument panel with the push-button start switch in the "START" position on the panel. Bonus points for those who can correctly guess the brand and model of the home appliance:

Feeling the Pressure

2010-05-12T21:23:00.000-07:00

If we've any hope of turbocharging this thing, we're gonna need an intake box that can take some pressure. I thought this idea was pretty clever.

I bought a couple of ammo boxes to stash some geochaches, but never got around to placing any before my interest in geocaching fizzled out. Looks like we will have to cut a larger hole in the hood if we have time to put a hood on the thing at all:

It's about at this time we're questioning the wisdom of making our already tough task of doing a V8 swap harder on ourselves by tackling forced induction with a carb. But either we get this thing turbocharged, or we change our name, right?

Turbo Exhaust Clamps

2010-05-06T21:12:00.000-07:00

The turbo adapter was one of the more frustrating things I had to fabricate. At first the theory was to use a standard muffler clamp and wrap some large diameter tubing around the ouside of the turbo outlet. Then I realized that I just didn't have the right tools to flare the tube I had (4") to the 4-1/4" it would take.

I purchased a standard exhaust junction band clamp but it just wasn't wide enough - it only fit the flange on the turbo, and would not allow a coupler flange and gasket into the stackup. No choice but to fabricate my own.

Below is the hand-fabricated band clamp and flanged adapter tube. The 3" diameter exhaust coupler nested right into the turbo exit bore. Carbon sealing gaskets are $3 apiece at McMaster-Carr.

I challenge you to guess which one was purchased and which one was fabricated:

Fun with Welding

2010-05-02T23:02:00.000-07:00

Here I am welding up some tasty exhaust bits. I got a hold of some rough 3" exhaust tubing from a local muffler shop and had them form a 90 degree and 180 deg bend for me. The 180 degree wasn't tight enough to fit from point A to point B, so I had to miter the tubing like shown. I'm actually getting pretty good at this welding thing. Or at least I'm not as terrible as I used to be. What's that you say? You didn't think Leprechauns really existed?

The finished post-turbo exhaust run. The 90 degree was useable. It's really ugly - see the long crease at the end of the 90? But it'll have to do...

One Month. Holy Schnitzeln!

2010-04-22T23:39:00.000-07:00

I'm beginning to think we bit off more than we could chew.

We've got one month to go before the race. Dave has to go to out of the country for two weeks (to Germany of all places!), and that leaves me and Jeff to knock out all the ToDo's. Plenty of fabrication left to do. We don't yet have any exhaust after the turbo. We don't even have a good way of adapting from the turbo to 3" exhaust tubing. We don't have gauges or a gauge panel. We don't yet have the fuel supply sorted out (our fuel injection OEM pump won't work with a carb). We don't yet know how we're going to adapt a Mustang driveshaft to a Merkur rear end. We don't have a clue how to...

Holy Schnitzeln!

Some Assembly Required

2010-04-19T23:34:00.000-07:00

That famously foreboding warning on the Hasbro toys of yesteryear has gone through my mind more and more feverishly of late. What the hell have we gotten ourselves into? We don't have the right skills, or TOOLS to get all of this heavy-duty fabrication work done right...

And then this little challenge convinced me that no matter the tool list, ingenuity and resourcefulness can and often do carry the day for Team Turbo Schnitzel.

Final and complete welding of the exhaust collector had caused it to walk and warp - it was about 3/8" too narrow between the exhaust header outlets - it no longer fit! We put the engine hoist to work for us stretching the collector assembly by stringing it up as shown below into what I like to call the "Coaxing Rig:"

We needed to stretch the thing by about 3/8", so estimating springback, we shot for 3/4" under load. Both Dave and I were astounded that it actually worked. It now fits "Like a Glove!"

A Lot of Hot Air

2010-04-18T20:30:00.000-07:00

It was all going to come down to this; We'd mounted the engine in the bay. That was time consuming, but fairly straighforward. We cut the transmission tunnel to make room for the T5. No doubt about our ability to tear things up. Hell, we even slotted the sides of the frame rails to make room for a big wide deep radiator. But would we be able to fashion a custom exhaust installation completely from scratch?

Dave got a hold of some 2-1/2" stainless scrap tubing from work. I got busy with the protractor, chop saw, and cardboard templates. We cobbled together a pretty descent looking "collector" pipe to combine exhaust from both front-facing headers, and then send it back to the turbo. We made everything from scratch by grinding, drilling, chopping, including this turbo mount plate:

It was a challenge to miter all the couplings together, and hold them loosely in place to tack them together. It was a three-man job at times. We were lucky to have the right wire for stainless in our MIG setup already - the welding actually went pretty smoothly. And the grinding:

And the fit-up:

In the photo above, you can see the pipe almost finished and resting in position at each header outlet. We did take advantage of Dave's master welder's skills for this piece - there's no way any of our own welds would look this good.

The next big challenge will be to interface to the turbo exhaust outlet, and send the post-turbo exhaust down and out the back of the car. No ideas yet...

Turbine du Jour

2010-04-12T17:22:00.000-07:00

"Twice as many cylinders? We ought to have twice as much turbo." That was the motto early on. Above left is the spare turbo we got with the Merkur originally. On the right is what it's always dreamed of growing up to be one day. Even though we've no immediate plans to boost the hell out of this thing (we're taking a staged, conservative approach to get a grip on reliability), we thought we'd be better off to fit more turbo than we need, than need more than we were able to fit. We picked this one up from Ebay for $135. If it's good enough for a 7.3 liter Navistar DT350E Powerstroke engine, it'll be good enough for us.

Mascot / Happy Easter

2010-04-03T20:12:00.000-07:00

There we were, crouching down over steel channels, grinding and cutting metal, hammering furiously to try and mount the radiator and bumper. And then this little Hoppelhaschen came scurrying by the garage, easy as you please. The day before Easter. Bizarre. It did not have a pancake on its head.

It Fits!

2010-03-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

Ausgezeichnet! It Fits! We were pretty sure that our high-mileage Ford Econoline 250 Custom Van engine would slot right in given that we had done many dry fits before this. In fact, this is still just a dry fit because we've got to add bushings to what are still just solid engine mounts. But it feels good to finally see everything (engine, accesories, radiator, brake booster, etc.) in place in the engine bay.

We still need to gather both sides of the exhaust, run them by the passenger side, and cram a turbo where the battery box used to be. We'll also need to find a home for the oil cooler, and add plenty of heat shielding in and around the exhaust headers. Note that we have to turn the headers around and have them point forward - it's the only we to keep from dumping all of the exhaust right on our accelerator foot...

Oh, and the hood will need a modest opening or two. Had you noticed?

Cool

2010-03-22T22:36:00.000-07:00

How do you keep your cool? The Merkur engineers didn't have it figured out. XR4Ti's were notorious for overheating. It was more than just the lack of an American-car styled radiator opening (though the Japanese seemed to have figured it out how to do without a big hole up fron with the Infiniti Q45). It was a woefully inadequate radiator for a turbocharged car. Ever since our first race (blowing 2 head gaskets), we've had an auxiliary oil cooler plumbed within a remote oil filter relocation circuit (more on that later). It's absolutely essential for any racing application, in my opinion. It's the only way you get cool oil to the lower end and the valve train. Don't leave home without it.

Anyway, for this V8 swap, we figured that we ought to also try and stuff as much radiator as we could in the front of this thing. We got one from Pull-A-Part from a Ford F-250 truck. That ought to do it. It's about twice the frontal area as the stock Merkur radiator, and about twice as thick as well. Unfortunately, it was also about 3 inches too wide for the Merkur's frame rails. So, we started notching:

Well, it wasn't like we were going to be able to mount to the existing top mounts anyway. We made two big notches in either frame rail, built two U-shaped hanger frames from 1.25" X 1.25" angle iron, and screwed a sheet metal channel "trough" cradled beneath. This particular sheet metal trough was a piece of rail from a trashed IKEA bed frame. It was already bent into a sturdy cross-member and is thick and tough enough to hold five hundred pounds or more along the length of a bed. Cool.

Cap that off with a flattened-out length of garage-door-opener rail, and you're set. Above is the finished mounting scheme for our "as-large-as-we-can-fit" cooling strategy. Yes, there will be cross-members spanning that gap, and yes, the bumper still mounts in front to protect it. Pretty Mad-Maxish, huh? Cool. We hope.

New Budget Infusion

2010-03-06T21:01:00.000-08:00

After practically no progress at all this week (see 2 previous posts), a bit of great fortune! An infusion of cash into the budget, to the tune of dreihundertsechsig schmackeroonies ($360). SO, by selling our complete 2.3L engine assembly, we've just increased our budget for the next race by 72%. Jay gave us a residual value of $2 from the April '09 race, putting at a whopping $498 + $360 = $858. Ausgezeichnet!

Always Count on This Happening

2010-03-04T22:47:00.000-08:00

Though you can't always predict when the QuikTrip gas truck is going to block you in, you can always count on shearing off an exhaust stud in your head. And since you've got two heads in your V8, count on at least two sheared studs. Make sure you always have a stud extractor kit on hand. Even though you can always count on that breaking, too. So, to add to last night's brief posting, you can always count on having "just one of those nights." Scheisse.

UPDATE: This was actually an intake stud. Now I see it, thanks, Dave!

Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Work On The Car

2010-03-03T20:41:00.000-08:00

It was just one of those nights.

Welding (as it turns out) is an Art!

2010-02-28T21:37:00.000-08:00

The above welded patch job was a cruel joke, we're just not sure who to blame but ourselves. It took me 5 minutes to cut the big gash alongside the transmission tunnel. It took us an hour to figure out that if we'd left it alone, our transmission would bolt right up. It took us over four hours to weld this stupid patch plate over the split. But at least I got some welding practice!

We knew we had to open up the transmission tunnel to allow our T5 transmission to fit. Oh, I guess I haven't yet mentioned that in addtion to a V8, we're also upgrading to a T5 and the associated cheap and easy-to-get clutch pressure plate (not the rare and inexplicably valuable T9 clutch). After the April '09 South race, we got a $2 residual value from LeMons HQ, so with a $135 engine, we've still got $363 to play with. Our used T5, pressure plate, and clutch was well within that, so it was a no-brainer to upgrade.

Here's how it looks positioned into our new tunnel. Too bad we hadn't positioned it like this before I cut the damn tunnel. Oh well, notice that the shift-box falls right where the old T9 shifter was. Sweet!

The cruel joke mentioned above led to some pretty interesting "Welding Practice Art." As I said, we spent a good four hours welding the patch plate in place. Over two hours of that was practicing welding thin plate without burning through. Tough stuff for a hack like me. As they say, "welding is an art." I think we'll keep this piece around, maybe hang it on the shop wall:

If You Want to Make a Schnitzel...

2010-02-25T21:07:00.000-08:00

...you've got to slice it thin. And you've got to pound it out thinner. And you've got to break some eggs.

Here I am breaking some eggs. Well, plasma cutting the transmission tunnel away:

We decided to try to ~~place~~ shove the engine as far back in the bay as we could. Actually, we had to in order to fit the engine, water pump and radiator all within the bay. What that meant was the production firewall, meant for the 2.3L 4-banger, had to go. Above, my neck is even with the XR4Ti's firewall, my heads poking into the driver compartment, and I'm cutting out the transmission tunnel about 10 inches back.

There she is all ~~cut~~ schnitzeled open and ready for that big meaty hunk of a motor. Jeff mentioned that it looked like we had just made our engine bay handicap accessible. Come to think of it, you probably could fit one of those oversized toilets in there, mount handrails on the sides, and do 360's in your Invacare. It was at about that time I got the sinking feeling that we'd bitten off more than we can chew. Can't look back now!

Hoist the engine into place, level it out, point it at the differential, double-check everything (eyeballing it), and tack the motor mounts.

And there it sits in position. Our XR8tt begins to come together. Tough to see from this angle, but the engine sits about 1.5 to 2.0 inches off the centerline towards the passenger side. That should help balance the car by offsetting the weight of the driver.

It's really evident in the photo above. As it sits, we've got a little wiggle room to line things up and point the transmission straight to the middle of the differential. With our solid steel engine mounts welded directly to the frame, we should feel a good deal of vibration in the seat of our pants. I hope the offset doesn't add any more driveline vibration.

Night Wrenching

2010-02-17T23:43:00.000-08:00

Wrenching at night. Cozy garage. Parts asunder - makes me wonder... Is there a modern day Norman Rockwell out there who wouldn't mind painting all 3 of us into this scene?

Thanks, Dave and Alecia for sacrificing the sanctity and orderliness of your life and new garage for the sake of the team. Prosit!

"Any Old V8 Will Do"

2010-02-15T20:43:00.000-08:00

"Any old V8 will do." I don't remember Dave saying that, but it sure felt like the sentiment when we strolled down the Ford Section in our local Pull-A-Part looking for the "race motor" that he had selected for us. We got to the end of the row and saw our donor car. Er, van. An Econoline 250 Custom Van to be specific - pretty bitchin' with some slinky red velvety curtains on all the windows.

There it sits, our new motor - a Ford 351W V8. Ripped from the van (literally - note the seat belt around the crank pulley), plopped down on the gravel, liberated from oblivion, destined for a new life as a LeMons racer. Too bad the van had a digital odometer - no way to tell how many miles were on it. Oh, and only then did we notice that the block itself was missing two freeze plugs. WTF? Too late now, we'd just plunked down $120 for it...

Oh, and did I mention how cold it was? Note the snow on the windshield above. Here I am in full salvage yard hazard garb and ski hat. You can just see the swanky red curtains behind me and imagine the party we were having...

Merkur XR8Tc?

2010-02-09T20:47:00.000-08:00

During the Southern Discomfort Race this past weekend I started a rumor.

All clutch and transmission issues aside, we're fed up with trying to get our damned engine to rev above 3,500 RPM. We're stumped. It's a solid motor. It spins freely. It's been well cared for. After all, its cousin blew two head gaskets, so we're treating this one gingerly. It should scream like a banshee. Some folks have gotten 500+ horsepower out of these engines. We'd like a mere fraction of that. 200 HP isn't too much to ask, is it? Yes.

Gremlins in the electrical system? Did we fry our computer? Is the bloody TFI module on the fritz? This damn motor has perplexed us for months. In fact, we never had either engine running well. I'm going to chalk it up to the fact that the guy we bought it from left it in an indecipherable state between an XR4Ti and the Turbo Coupe conversion he attempted. Probably jacked up the wiring harness...

So now, the RUMOR: Team Turbo Schnitzel will make our return to the 24 Hours of LeMons not in a Merkur XR4Ti, but in a Merkur XR8Tc.

Wall of Blame Nominee!

2010-01-17T18:15:00.000-08:00

Thank you, Jonny Lieberman, for including us as a nominee in the first 24 Hours of LeMons Wall of Blame. Get those votes in - it's drastically important for our self esteem that we make the cut. Or let's just say that if we don't get in, we'll take drastic measures like adding four cylinders, or going with a turbo carburetor or something...

New Year, New Workshop

2010-01-02T21:23:00.000-08:00

Here is the Schnitzel Mobile in tow this morning on its way to a new workplace; Dave's house. I'm looking forward to having a warm, dry garage to work on it.

And our landlord is happy to see it gone from the parking lot at our office building. The girl from the leasing office called to ask whose derelict car it was, sitting there rusting away in the parking lot with it's driveshaft hanging down below. "The one missing the engine?" she asked. I corrected her jokingly, saying that, "No, it's still got its crappy engine, it's the tranmission that's missing!"

Organizer's Choice!

2009-04-06T10:13:00.000-07:00

Organizer's Choice! Never would have imagined! What an incredible emotional roller coaster this past weekend has been. Thankfully, it ended on a high note - the highest! More details to follow...

BS Inspection

2009-04-03T13:32:00.000-07:00

BS Inspection went swimmingly. Here I am trying my best to pronounce 14-syllable German BS Technical words to convince The Honorable Lieberman how gescrewed we were last race, and how he should just let slide the fact that we installed an "Olwiederpositionsbastelsatz."

Oh, and Jalopnik has a great shot of the team on the top of their BS Inspections Page! Thanks, guys!

Suspension Wizardry

2009-03-29T18:55:00.000-07:00

Today was all about revitalizing the front suspension after visiting the oracle on the mount. Dick Anderson (founder of Carrera Shocks) seemed to love solving our whimpy bouncy jouncy problem for us. Dick has a gold mine of old racing shocks scattered about his warehouse. It was simply a matter of spotting the right sizes, making a few calculations, a couple of precision (plus or minus an inch or so) cuts, and fitting our front struts with helical Viagra.

Look closely and notice how we nearly quadrupled our stock springs' rate - a spring within a spring. The stock Merkur springs leave plenty of room for improvement - and plenty of radial clearance for a second spring. Pretty swank, if you ask me.

The shape of things to come...

2009-03-26T11:35:00.000-07:00

Saggy Motor Mount

2009-03-18T21:13:00.000-07:00

So here we have a saggy motor mount. It happened when we man-handled the engine back in the bay. Just look at it, the sad little bugger. Actually, I've got no sympathy for the little wretch. It's probably the most highly-engineered component on the whole spankin' car. What right does it have to give up on us like this? Fortunately, there's a donor at the nearby Pull-a-Part (Note the wardrobe. Here I am in full promotional mode representing Team Turbo Schnitzel):

Pimp Brian's Ride

2008-08-07T19:13:00.000-07:00

Our little prank last year has made it all the way 'round the internets:
Jalopnik: The Ultimate Housemate Car Prank: Pimp Brian's Ride

UPDATE: And it has spawned another Lemons Team:
Our Lady of Perpetual Downforce

Getting some love from Jalopnik

2008-08-05T21:49:00.000-07:00

BS Inspection with the Honorable Jay Lamm. This shot was a few moments before he told me that he really didn't like me because of my spreadsheets, my smart-talking, and because I had an iPhone in my shirt pocket:

Team Turbo Schnitzel photo gallery on Jalopnik. Thanks!

Since Jalopnik decided to point a link here, I thought I'd post a link to our pictures on Flickr.

Needless to say, the fury we had to put out to get our car ready meant that we couldn't update this site as we wanted. Fear not, as we're going to post up some backstory soon.

Pre-Race

2008-07-25T20:08:00.000-07:00

Whatever else happens, you've got to have your PRIORITIES. Priority One: Paint the graphics on our new replacement hood. Jeff is doing his magic here in the pits with our new replacement hood.

After Jeff got us hooked up with the new killer hood graphic, the rest of the team (including pictured "Das Crue" member William) put their own signature marks on the hood. In your face, hood thief! Your's isn't worth jack because it's not autographed!

The team's taking a welcome late afternoon walk around the 'ring. The enthusiasm builds as we realize that we'll be dicing it up with all the other great (and much faster looking) teams we just met in the paddock. Here we're ~~arguing~~ learning the lines, and getting really ~~anxious~~ pumped up about the next day.

UPDATE: Walking wasn't the fastest way around the track, but neither was the next two day's actual in-car racing. In fact this may have been the most fun any of us had ON the race course!

Heading Out and New Hood

2008-07-25T11:25:00.000-07:00

Here we are finally heading out to the race! Note the lack of hood (never found the crook!) on the SchnitzelMobile. We headed out early Friday morning so that we could swing by a fellow Merkur ~~owner's~~ zealot's house and pick up his spare hood he'd just posted on Craigslist.

Here's Brian fitting the new hood on the Schnitzel. At least with a hood on it towed a little nicer. Too bad it wouldn't race any better. In fact, I think ultimately this was our undoing in the South Carolina summer heat...

Bring Back Our Hood

2008-07-21T22:22:00.000-07:00

Jeff did an awesome job painting the hood graphics. Wish I could show you. Can't. Hood stolen. Whoever took it had better display it prominently in their garage, shop, or hand it high above the drum riser on their national heavy metal tour.

Prep and Paint

2008-07-20T22:33:00.000-07:00

Prepping to paint included searching for the owner of the BMW 5-series parked 7 spots away, not finding him, and masking not only the windows and bumpers of the Schnitzel-mobile, but also his entire car against overspray. I wonder, did he ever realized what happend, or how concientious we were? It was the right thing to do...

Burning the Midnight Rollcage

2008-07-17T01:46:00.000-07:00

Welding well into the night. Past midnight? Surely. Sign of schedules to come seeing as we've got a lot of work to do, and less than 2 weeks to get it all done.

Der Weldmeister

2008-07-15T21:57:00.000-07:00

Here we see John, the Master Welder (Weldmeister?) doing his thing on the roof hoop. What's his thing? Wielding a grinder with the fervor and precision of a Japanese Steak House chef and notching tube ends better than if they'd come from the factory pre-notched. Considering that I just recently learned what MIG stands for, I'm extremely glad he's on the team.

Caged and Harnessed

2008-07-13T23:14:00.000-07:00

Started laying out and welding the roll cage. We purchased a Competition Engineering kit from Summit. I was feeling pretty good about how it started going together. We were cutting, notching, fitting, welding. And then something started smelling fishy. Well, not fishy so much as a burning sensation. That, apparently is how you know it's working. What? Wait. That's burning fiberglas, and this is not a 'Vette...

Turns out that everywhere we wanted to stake the roll cage, there were rusted-thru-holes covered with strips of fiberglas. Oh yeah, this was a Michigan car for most of its life. Rusted-thru floor panels, massive fissures, had been "sewn back together" with fiberglas and smoothed over with bondo. A lot of sheet metal welded in place to bridge the gap and we've now got an airtight floor to butress a cage to. Judging from how much cussing came from Brian's mouth during the "bridge the gap" welding, sheetmetal to sheetmetal is apparently pretty fun to do...

Hot Seat

2008-06-29T20:20:00.000-07:00

Installed the race seat today. It's blow-molded polyethylene. Sounds safe. And comfortable. Aren't the "Daily Shopper" coupon book dispenser bins you find lined up in front of Kroger made out of the same stuff? Those sure look sturdy. Anyhow, it's from Summit Racing Equipment, so it must be race-worthy. It's the belt harness that keeps you solidly in place, after all.

Considering that 6 different drivers of all different shapes and sizes are going to swap in and out of this car many times throughout the race weekend, we decided to use the OEM seat mount brackets to afford the most adjustability. That required fabricating an adapter plate. Pretty fun. Jeff and I let the sparks fly, all the while keeping in mind what caused our shop/office to burn down only months before...

Viola! A stout, sturdy steel adapter plate for the milk-jug-turned-racing-safety-equipment:

Stripping

2008-06-21T22:46:00.000-07:00

Stripping can change a man. No, I'm not talking about the joyous kind of eye-opening euphoria we all felt when we attended our first bachelor party. Stripping a car is a different kind of intrigue, tension, and ultimate release. The intrigue part is removing and discarding parts you never thought to before, all at once, until she lies before you naked. ALL the trim panels, ALL of the seat cushions, the headliner, ALL of the carpeting. ALL the soundproofing. ALL of the stuff that makes a modern car civilized. The tension part is not having resolved whether you really want to commit to never putting this car back in service on the street - never carrying passengers again. The release comes after you realize how much crappier the car looks now, and how much more likely it'll be that you'll convince the judges of its (lack of) net worth. It's wildly, strangely liberating. Just like the first bachelor party I attended.

Ahhhh. That felt good?

Getting Into It

2008-06-08T19:32:00.000-07:00

Mark and I dug into things and started checking vacuum and coolant hoses, tearing out the heater core connections, etc. I re-routed the silliest oil-cooler hose routing I'd seen after busting knuckles pulling it out from behind the sliver of space between the engine and the firewall. Aren't German engineers supposed to be the sharpest bulbs on the porch?

What really impressed me about this guy Mark is that he really got into it:

But then again, it was on this, the first of our big "get into it" workdays that Mark informed me that he had never driven a stick before. Hmmmm.

Our first work day

2008-05-31T15:07:00.000-07:00

We are pleased to announce that Team Turbo Schnitzel has scored it's first victory! We were triumphant at getting accepted to compete in the race in South Carolina!

On the heels of our first win, we elected to actually put some coin into our heap in the form of a timing belt change. Thus began our first work and testing day. Here's our fearless Captain Craig checking the damage. He reported that it tastes remarkably like fail.

As you can see, the existing belt was a bit of a disaster. Fortunately our heroic crew was able to repair the faulty components at the cost of an $8 belt, 8 bratwursts and 6 beers. With the repairs complete several team members hopped in and roared down the street.

The almost got to the end before we discovered that the wheels were loose, the fuel tank was empty (the gauge is broken, apparently) and the fuel system seems to lose pressure. Oh, and the O2 sensor is busted, making our Merkur run like a Kuwati oil derrick after the Gulf War.

Here's our master wrench turner John (in the jams) applying his skills to the issue. We did manage to limp the car back to our base of operation. Hopefully in the next work day we can fix the fuel issues, timing, sensor problems and whatever else decides to break between now and then.

Here's our badass ride. At this distance it actually looks like a decent car...almost.

What is Team Turbo Schnitzel?

2008-05-02T06:50:00.000-07:00

They say obsession takes many forms. For some, Kirk will always be the captain. For others, Empire was the height of the trilogy. For Team Turbo Schnitzel obsession means taking an unloved piece of rolling Scheiß and elevating it onto a gold-plated, revolving pedestal of glory for the world to respect and salute.

Our journey started with a beater 80’s Honda, a smart-assed co-worker, and that co-worker’s vacation to Switzerland. An innocent “Hey, let’s move VanHiel’s car” quickly crescendoed into two weeks of purple paint, fake wings, non-functional scoops and spinner hubcaps.

Alas, beauty is fleeting. Today’s Brittany Spears always becomes tomorrow’s Brittany Spears. Fortunately for Team Turbo Schnitzel, victory lives on for eternity!

That’s why were turning our custom car fabrication skills towards not just entering, but WINNING the 2008 24 Hours of Lemons!

We’ve chosen the Merkur XR4ti as our trusty steed for this epic clash of man and machine. We believe that it has what it takes to go the distance –the awesome power of a turbocharged Pinto engine coupled with the kind of exceptional reliability the automotive world has come to expect from the Germans.

Our particular ride started life as tragically as our Honda. It was left to decay in an amateur’s garage as an unfinished pile of bubba-engineered hacks and spotty bodywork. Miraculously, a positive pregnancy test and a shortage of cash liberated our needy soul from that amateur’s garage and into our hands!

Now in a good home, we intend to transform our emasculated Merkur with the same intensity and focus as our beloved Honda. With our lavish budget we intend to not only give it a new timing belt, but also change the oil! There is no limit to what this car is capable of, and we intend to show the world what a healthy pile of exquisitely misguided obsession can do!

Ausgezeichnet!